So cliche I know. But still, so, so true! I can't count on two hands how many times I have said that to Matt recently. Seems like every day we realize something we've done with L that we could have done better. I try not to beat myself up over it. Instead, I just utter those three simple words and remind myself that parenting comes with a major learning curve (sorry sweet L, our poor little guinea pig! I promise being the eldest child comes with some perks too!) Even in these few precious early years I've learned some pretty important lessons, and there are some things I want to differently from here on out.
First, and probably most of all, I won't wish for the next stage anymore. Everything with your first is so precious and so exciting. You don't want to miss a thing, but then again you can't wait to experience the next thing either. You move from those newborn days, to first bottles, to first foods, to crawling, to walking , to big girl beds and on and on. You pretend the whole time that you want time to stop and you don't want them to grow, but on and on you push them anyway. Begging them to say 'mama.' Buying that potty before they are ready. Practicing those colors. It's a nonstop transition into the next phase. We were so guilty of that with L. She crawled at 6 months, walked at 9. Said her full name and about 50 other words by her first birthday. If Abbott starts to crawl in the next month and a half, I'm not saying I'll push him back over, but I'm not saying I won't either. :) From now on, I want each and every stage to last forever. And since I know that it can't
really last forever, I think I am just going to be more content for them come at their own pace. No more pushing.
Second, I've realized that even when I am stressed, even when I am tired and frustrated and I'm at the point where if I don't pull my own hair out I might just pull someone else's; I am still blessed beyond reason. I think that I've let too many days go by with these precious little ones wishing for a break. If I look down the pipeline, I realize that I have years and years and years of breaks ahead of me. Right now, in this cosy house with these crazy kids...I am living the life I always dreamed of. And, just like every old lady I've ever met in the grocery store wants to tell me, one day I will long for these days again because, "they just grow up so fast." It's like I've turned around and Laurelei is three. For the first time this week I realized that she doesn't quite fit the same in my lap anymore. We were watching a movie and she kept shifting around trying to get comfortable. I wanted to cry. I wanted to take back every single time I ever told her to hold on a minute. I wanted to take back every single one.
There are many, many more lessons I've learned about priorities, money, time, worry, stress, expectations, etc. Like I said earlier, parenting comes with a major learning curve. I have a feeling that my list will grow even with this second child. And maybe, someday if we are blessed to love yet another child, I will look back at this post and laugh. I'll probably realize how even despite my best efforts I managed to do just as much wrong the second time around.
For now though, I'm going to focus on each and every precious moment. The good and bad. I'm going to thank God for each and every one.
