Baby Abbott

We had another doctors appointment today as I am sure you know if you have been following along. It was a big one for us, as we were waiting to get blood results and specific information on what was going on with our baby boy. (You can catch up here.) A few of my closest friends know that I have been mentally preparing myself for weeks just in case the doctor told us there were any complications and we needed to deliver early. Despite all m best planning, nothing could have prepared me for the news I got at the doctor today.

My blood work has been glaring at us for a few weeks now, but today's ultrasound did most of the talking. I have suffered a partial placental aprubtion again with this pregnancy, as I did with Laurelei. I could see the stress in the doctor's eyes when she came in to talk to me. She quickly informed me of what she had found in the ultrasound, assured me that we would leave today with a plan, and left to make a phone call to another high risk specialist. Unfortunately for me, I could hear her conversation on the otherside of the door. The fears she was sharing with her collegue about not being able to be too aggressive because I was 'only 22 weeks.' Wondering what the best course of action was because the baby was not yet 'viable.' My heart was just melting as I sat there alone in the office. Thinking to myself, "Is this really happening?" "How am I going to tell Matt?" "What can we do?" "I am to far into this pregnancy to lose this baby."

When she came back in I was barely holding it together. She told me I needed to be on bedrest for the next two weeks. That they would be watching me and baby closely. I am to come back in 2 weeks for another ultrasound, at which time if my abruption as grown at all, they will put me in the hospital and deliver the baby as soon as they think they can. As she put it, "in 2 weeks the baby will be viable."

Every time I think about that phrase, "in 2 weeks, the baby will be viable..." my heart just breaks into one million pieces. I have seen baby Abbott on the ultrasound 8 times and each time he has looked like a precious baby to me. He has features, he kicks, he squirms, I saw him swallowing on the ultrasound today, I hear and see his heart beating. But he is not...'viable?' I have spent the better part of the past couple of months thinking about and shopping for cribs and clothing and room decor. Researching colors and design and new baby gadgets. Now all of the sudden instead of Google-ing 'baby boy nursery,' I find myself typing in, 'when can a fetus survive outside of the womb.'

This is getting long and I am quite certain has just turned into a lot of personal rambling, but its just the best way to vent right now, and to just get into words what we are going through. Sometimes its hard to hold it together as you tell the story over and over. I know God has answers for all of my questions. I know he will secure us financially if we struggle through extended maternity leave, hospital visits, NICU stays. I pray that he will allow my body to give our sweet baby protection at least through these next two critical weeks of development.  I trust that this is just the start of another 'miracle baby' for our little family.

Thanks in advance for all of your sweet thoughts and prayers. We appreciate the love and support more than you know.