Growing Pains and Stretch Marks

I am trying something new this afternoon, a little Friday Confessional. I wanted to purge my thoughts for a minute just like I purged my closet of maternity clothes last night. I'm thinking it might help me just get over and move on? I guess we'll see!

I took Abbott for his two week check up yesterday and, I confess...it about killed me! Little baby is already 7 whole pounds, how did that happen so fast? And he grew a whole 3/4 of an inch...I think it's a conspiracy!

I confess, I am a little over emotional about the whole going back to work thing. We'll just blame it on the baby blues, but every move little Abbott makes I think..."This is the last time he'll do this when he is _____days old!" And then it quickly spirals into how in a few weeks when I go back to work I'll miss day #_____ alltogether. How will I ever cope? (I know I did it with L, I can do it again!) A long talk with a good friend today helped put things back in perspective for a little while at least. He will grow, and it will be okay. Life will go on, but it will bring new joys with everystage...blah, blah, blah :)

I confess, Abbott might be the one growing, but I am the one with the growing pains. It's killing me. And I know you'll tell me I am going to miss each day as they come if I am worried about what has changed, but I promise I am soaking up every little minute too! I just know with L how quickly she moved from one stage to another, and I know this will happen with Abbott too. How I love my sweet little babies soo! I never want them to grow all the way up :)

The only visible sign I have left from this pregnancy really are my stretch marks, and I confess...I have mixed emotions about them now. I told you I hated them and would never 'wear them as a badge of motherhood...' since in my opinion they make me look like I was mauled by a bear. Well, I still kind of hate them, but I also know that if they ever really go all the way away I'll be sad. This might just have been my last pregnancy, and hard or not, each of my pregnancies were a gift. I'm not quite ready to forget that yet.

  { p.s...I can't wait to share a whole post just about L again this weekend. She has been up to some funny things, and I think it might lighten my mood just a bit! She does always bring a smile to my face, that one!}

Baby Abbott, your Birth Story

Dear Abbott,

You surprised us all by coming at 36 weeks. Not that we weren't expecting you to be early, we just had no idea when you would actually come! You had put mommy on bed rest for close to 14 weeks and for the most part we were expecting you to come at any point throughout the whole thing. I sometimes don't think I will ever be able to forget all of the details surrounding your entrance into the world, just like I felt with your big sister Laurelei. Everything about you and that day was perfect in every single way.

 I went into the doctor on September 19th, just like I had every week for the past few weeks. They hooked me up to the monitor and started watching your heart rate and my contractions. It was no surprise to anyone that I was having contractions still around 5 minutes apart. Most of them didn't hurt to bad, but they were strong and steady as they had been for the past few weeks. As always, you were such a champ. Your heart beat was strong and steady. I was sure the doctor would just send us home to wait patiently for another week. Dr. Slone came in to check on us and was surprised when I was making a little more progress than she had hoped, as I was already 3+ centimeters along. That news, plus a few returning symptoms of the abruption was enough to send you and me back over to the hospital for the 3rd time this month! The only difference was, Dr. Slone said I wouldn't get to leave this time without a baby! I immediately texted daddy and Gigi and we all got very excited. You would be here in 24 hours, we just couldn't believe it!

When we got to the hospital we only had a tentative plan of action. Dr. Slone was very careful throughout the whole pregnancy not to make any big decisions to quickly. She told me we would watch you and my contractions over night, beginning to help me along with some pitocin at 1:00am if I needed it. Well, you were determined to come because I kept making progress on my own and it scared her enough to wait to give me any help until the morning. Dr. Slone really wanted to be there for you and me when you were born, and I am glad she made the decisions that she did! She came back to see up at 8:30 on Tuesday morning, the 20th. It was then that my water broke and within seconds the contractions were less than a minute apart! Daddy didn't even have time to brush his teeth until the wonderful anesthesiologist came in at 10:30 to save us all! We were already up to 7 centimeters and if she hadn't been on time, I think I might have missed the epidural. I don't think any of us would have enjoyed that too terribly much. By 11:00am I was already up to 9cm and had to text your daddy who was still in the waiting room to hurry back, because we were going to have a baby very, very soon! Around 11:30 we were 9.5 and Dr. Slone was back to bring you into the world. I was so anxious and excited and beyond ready to meet you! I loved you so much already and I hadn't even seen you yet. I knew you would be perfect.

Things started to get a little scary after that. You weren't handling all the stress and swiftness of the labor so well. Around 11:00 you had started to go into distress and your heart rate dropped. By the time we were ready to deliver Dr. Slone decided it was better to take us to the OR for a C-section, but you mister were having none of that. You forced her to change her mind again when she realized we were out of time and at that very minute we had to bring you into the world. Your daddy held my hand, the nurses talked me through it, and Dr. Slone did what she had to do to make sure you came that very minute at 11:53am. The few seconds your cord was wrapped around your neck were the longest seconds of my life. I watched you and prayed for you to cry and take your first breath. When you cried out to us for the first time my heart jumped for joy. Daddy and I were over the moon.

You surprised us all again by weighing in at a healthy 6lbs 10oz! We are so thankful for Dr. Slone, who went above and beyond to bring both you and Laurelei into the world safely. She watched over you like a hawk from day one and took such good care of us. I am not sure that with anyone else in the delivery room we would have had the same outcome. I just know God put her in all of our lives.

Mommy was able to hold you for a few minutes before they whisked you away. Being early meant you had a few things they needed to check out. You had some fluid in your lungs and trouble breathing. My heart sank in the recovery room as you and daddy spent time in the nursery without me. I wanted to see you so very badly!

 You weren't able to come back to us that night until around 6:30pm. We were so excited when they wheeled you in! Daddy and I had everyone leave the room for a little while so we could have you all to ourselves. I fed you and cuddled you and everything seemed right in the world. You still whine, wheeze and grunt when you breathe right now, but we know that in time it will all work itself out. Just like your sister you are still perfect in every way.

You had many visitors that day who mostly had to see you through the nursery window. Gigi and Poppy, Grandma and Grandpa, Aunt Dana, Papaw and Ginger, Uncle Harry and Jackson, Aunt Kathy, Mamaw and PaPaw, Jess and Jarod, and of course your big sister Laurelei! I am probably forgetting someone as you were so well loved even before you were born!

I hope that as you grow you never forget how much we love you. As much as we loved you the day you were born we will love you more and more every single day of your life. Daddy and I are so blessed to have you and Laurelei. Our family is complete. I am forever grateful.

Love,
Mommy

Tomorrow is the big day!

I am over the moon people! Tomorrow we will finally get to meet little Abbott and figure out once and for all how he is doing! I cannot even begin to tell you how excited I am for all of the attention to be off my body and well being and be solely on his. I am ready to welcome him and face whatever it is that delivery brings, although I feel so certain it will bring a 100% healthy baby this go around. While I am making a little progress on my own, I've been told they will intervene around 1am to help us along if we need it. Say a little prayer if you think about it!

 I can't quite figure out how big I think he is going to be. He was right on track growth size at our last ultrasound, but that was a couple of weeks ago.  That would make him right around 6 lbs now. Comparing him to L throws me for a loop though, as she was born around 38 weeks and was still only 5lb 14oz. Maybe he will surprise us all and be bigger than expected! Who knows? All I know is that I am praying I get to hold him right away and feel for myself, no waiting this time.  :)

{The last belly pic, whew!}

When I got L ready for school this morning I had mixed emotions. I had a feeling that this morning was different, though I didn't know we'd be going into the hospital today. I hugged her a little more, gave her lots of kisses.

 I even packed a bag for her before I left for my doctors appointment, just in case. As I wait for her to come visit me in the hospital right now my throat is a little tight. I love that little girl so much and am going to miss her like crazy this week. Her life is about to change in such a drastic way and there is no way for any of us to really prepare for it now.

 My prayer for her is that having another family member in the house only makes her feel more love. I can't wait for her to meet Abbott tomorrow. I kind of feel like she has spent 36 weeks thinking I am crazy when I talk about having a baby in my belly, I wonder what she will really do when she sees the real baby in my arms.

Goodness I wish I had just one more night at home with her, though I am pretty sure that no matter when this happened I feel that exact same way!

Guess I will be back sometime soon with an update on our newest little one. My heart is so full tonight!

The three of us

This week has been another crazy one. I went in for a doctor's appointment on Wednesday and was very surprised when I ended back up in the hospital. Apparently those contractions I had been having weren't quite as routine as I thought as they were progressing things slightly in the way of actual labor. My doctor was less than thrilled that I was dilating and felt my appearance on the non-stress test warranted an overnight monitoring stay in the hospital. Blah.

The problem with all of this is timing. I was barely 36 weeks, so the doctor couldn't justify helping labor along at all. On the other hand, the abruption is making her really nervous. She hates the idea that I am laboring at home unmonitored. Apparently there is still some concern that going into full labor could cause complications with the abruption. It's all so confusing and quite frankly extremely draining. I mean, I have been having contractions for nearly 16 weeks now and sort of just sitting around waiting for the other shoe to drop. I feel so blessed that we have made it this far, and I cannot take for granted how God has simply provided for our family throughout it all. Still in some ways, the closer we get to the end the harder the waiting and what-ifs seem to get. I go back in on Monday for a follow up and then if not before, we'll be planning to meet our little Abbott around the 26th of September!

Speaking of the 26th, that is a little more than a week away! Having a sort of timeline makes the reality of this major change in our lives seem so imminent. Matt will likely be out of town next weekend celebrating my cousins wedding in SC, which means this could be our last weekend as a family of three. That is hard to wrap my mind around. We have spent the better part of the last three years focusing completely on Laurelei and our little family, it makes it hard to believe there will be one more of us so soon. When I first got pregnant this time around my mom told me about how much things changed when she had me (I am the second child.) She told me that the night before she went in to be induced she stopped by the bed my sister was sleeping in and just watched her sleep. She told me her heart was heavy thinking how Lindsey's life was about to changer forever, and yet Lindsey had no idea.

{Laurelei, 12/16/08}

It breaks my heart just a little to think that Laurelei won't be the center of our universe anymore. She probably wasn't ever supposed to be, but she was. Does she know that life is about to change? I know she will do just fine, I only hope I will too.

So this weekend we are going to spend a little time just the three of us. Matt doesn't know it yet, but we are going to do all of our favorite things. Eat breakfast at Alfalfa's, take Laurelei to the park. Watch movies on a palette in the living room, bake cookies, go for ice-cream.

We are going to let Laurelei be the center of our universe for just a few more days and soak in all the memories of just the three of us.

35 Weeks and a Sweet 16!

Today we have two things to celebrate!

one. First, my little brother turned 16 yesterday! I cannot believe that he have his permit and will be driving soon. Both brothers are now 16 and officially permitted to drive. It is crazy how fast they have grown up. We had a good time last night at my mom's eating pizza and celebrating Harrison.

 (These are just the sweetest grandparents of all time! It was so nice to see them too!)

Laurelei was also well loved on and entertained by the family there. She loves her uncles! Poor Jackson spent a good amount of time wrangling her and learning just how difficult it is to put shoes on a 2 year old.

And of course Laurelei gave her Gigi some loving too.

(I love this picture of the two of them, it might be my new favorite! 

Isn't my mom gorgeous? I want to look just like her when I am a Gigi, okay?)

A good time was had by all!

two. And the second thing to celebrate? We are 35 weeks today. I never thought I would make it this far. (Be prepared for me to say that every week from now on I think...) I am feeling okay, just extremely heavy these days. My contractions haven't slowed down as much as I'd like, but they are also not putting me into active labor yet. I am stuck somewhere in between a fairly uncomfortable pregnancy and a new baby. Blah! Of course we are still feeling extremely blessed that Abbott has been doing so well, and we'll give him all the time he needs in there to grow.

Happy Friday!

Belly Love

My sweet, adoring husband obliged me in a mini-belly shoot this weekend. Knowing this could be our last pregnancy, I really wanted some professional pregnancy photos. In light of recent events I became very aware that both timing and finances probably didn't warrant a full-out photo-shoot for us anymore. So, we took our camera and got to work ourselves. A combination of the dreaded swelling and what I like to call 'bed rest, over-medicated eyes,' kept me from getting any full body shots, but here is some belly love I wanted to share with you!

(p.s. I am aware that they are mostly the same shot. I just couldn't pick my favorite. AND I was about to pass out almost as soon as I squeezed myself into this dress, so this is what we got!)

Which one do you think is the best? I want to pick a favorite!

Waiting on Abbott...

I swear I thought I was going into labor last night. My contractions were about 4 minutes apart and nothing seemed to be stopping them! It was obvious after last weeks hospital stay that my medicine was not entirely effective in the way of stopping my pre-term labor, and I was sure that it was failing me again last night!

 From about midnight to 5:30am I was contracting regularly, sometimes at intervals as close as 4 minutes apart! I woke poor Matt up several times on the verge of insisting he take me to the hospital, but each time I felt like I could wait 'just a while longer.' I'm glad I waited long enough for the medicine to kick in and things to slow down. I am pretty sure that I can't handle another round of hospital-level drugs at the moment without going absolutely crazy!

As for now, we are just waiting on little Abbott to make his next move. I go back to the doctor tomorrow and am anxious to see if things progressed from his little late night party last night. And what I am really hoping for is that he lets me sleep a little tonight, seeing as how I am definitely running on fumes at this point!

Breakdowns

Life brings all kinds of breakdowns. Tonight I wanted to share just a few of the ones passing through my life this week...

 The physical breakdown. Seems my body is just not what it used to be. Abbott has had enough of my fast pace lifestyle and demanded that I slow down. I sometimes forget that I am carrying another little person. The doctor tells me to watch my limits and I find myself completely at a loss for what those limits are. I am definitely on a short timeline for figuring it out though, as it seems to be the difference between the baby coming tomorrow or 4 weeks from now. We are definitely hoping for the later.

The emotional breakdown. This would pretty much describe me the past few days. As Matt has detailed previously the hospital is full of many of its own challenges. It usually takes me 24 hours or less to reach a point of total emotional breakdown. Right around the time the medicine made me completely sick, the air seemed to stop working in our room and I realized this baby might not come into the world quite the way I expected him too, I reached a point of emotional breakdown. I guess who are we kidding though, I've probably been in this state for the majority of my pregnancy, as have most of the pregnant women I know, so I won't take it to personally.  (Oh, and Matt I am very sorry for the further breakdown you had to endure upon bringing me home from the hospital. I am well aware that you hoped leaving the hospital would cure this particular breakdown, not cause another one! :)

The mommy breakdown. I am not sure if this is attached to previous said breakdowns, but I definitely broke down in a major way tonight. Every parent who has ever let there child 'cry it out' knows the #1 cardinal sin is letting your child get back out of bed. I'm not necessarily a rookie at this, so you'd think I would have known that tonight when I let little come sit with me for just a minute or two after crying for a good 30 minutes. As you can imagine the second attempt at bedtime was even less productive than the first one, which has something to do with why I am writing this post by T.V. light to the tune of Sleeping Beauty. I don't feel too bad about it tonight though. After 3 nights at someone else's house and a keen realization that Abbott will be changing just about everything fairly soon, I think a little snuggle time with baby #1 is well in order. More than once before she fell asleep Laurelei just rolled over and smiled at me, puckering up for a big kiss. It made all the rule breaking totally worth it! (And don't you dare remind me that I said this tomorrow night when we start the good fight all over again!)

The list breakdown. Okay, okay, I know this is random, but I just need to write down a few notes on some of my current 'lists.' First, here is a list of things I have realized must be finished before Abbott gets here, so hopefully he gives us awhile!
    -FINISH the BATHROOM
    -clean up all the renovation dust that has made its way into every nook and cranny of the house
    -locate, setup and wash the basinett
    -send the car seat liner to the cleaners and install said baby car seat back in car
And, after spending just a few nights in the hospital, here are some updates I need to make to my hospital bag list:
     -MUST TAKE A FAN. I thought I might hurt someone, it was that hot.
     -Don't forget the hairdryer. When you are ready to shower, you are ready to shower.
     -Take out anything long sleeve. Did I mention I was hot?
     -Pack snacks. What would I have done without my wonderful mother bringing a good stash? We
      must remember the stash this time.
     -Take an extension cord. I never noticed before how short the charger cord for my iphone was. And
      considering it was nearly impossible to keep everyone informed and my battery full, I cannot      
      forget an extension cord this time around.
     -Have the camera ready. What would I have done if they had rushed me into an emergency   
      c-section?  I wouldn't have had any pictures of Abbott coming into the world that's for sure! I am
      now having nightmares of iphone quality birth photos, and it is a scary thing!

Is there anything you HAD to have at the hospital with you? I am hoping not to get anymore practice forgetting things, so let me know what I might not realize I need!

32 weeks?!

I can't quite believe it is true, we are 32 weeks already! The gravity of the blessings we've received this summer continue to sink in more and more everyday we go. We've progressed through this pregnancy already further than we'd ever imagined. We go back to the doctor on Monday, but I assume I'll just be scooting right along like the last few visits. The abruption has gotten SO small sometimes it's even hard to see. :) Now, if we can just keep these pesky contractions under control all will be well in the world of pregnancy!

 

I am getting into that very uncomfortable stage of pregnancy. Thanks to long work days I am sleeping pretty soundly through the night, but it hasn't done too much for the aches and pains.  I know Abbott needs a little more time in there to grow, but I am becoming more and more ready to have him here every single day. The baby daydreaming has taken over all of my other thoughts in full force. Luckily for us L hasn't been sleeping well through the nights lately, so we've had plenty of practice giving up those precious twilight hours. I think we are more the ready!

I think Matt is thankful for the bathroom re-model right now. It's the only thing standing in the way of us being perfectly ready for Abbott to be here. I would be beyond anxious for his arrival and likely driving Matt insane by now if I wasn't terrified about him coming in the mist of all this dust! So, I'll wait my 4.5 weeks a little more quietly for now. 

Thanks for all of the thoughts and prayers, God has been so faithful to answer them all of course!

Looks like I need a new pair of shoes...

I mean what girls doesn't look for a reason to need a new pair of shoes? Want to hear my latest excuse? Well, we had our 30 week doctors check up today and got some good news. Looks like things are still pretty much the same (meaning they aren't worse! woo hoo!) and the doctor thinks going back to work is worth a shot. We have some restrictions, but for the most part she thinks I can give it a go one week at a time. So, until next Monday, I am officially off full bed-rest!

We had a good time at the doctors appointment today. Matt was able to stay the whole time which was nice. We started with a non-stress test for the baby, which meant we got to spend almost an hour just listening to the baby's heart beat and talking. Don't get me wrong, I haven't been as uncomfortable as I was on that stupid doctors table in a long time, but it was some unexpected good quality time with Matt for sure! We laughed and enjoyed the sound of Abbott's sweet heart rate as he moved around in my belly. Matt and I concluded Abbott must spend the majority of his time in there horse back riding.  His heart rate had a distinct gallop to it, as if he was in there clicking tiny coconuts together or something. It was hilarious and sweet and perfect all at the same time! We also had an ultrasound that confirmed my abruption is looking great, and confirmed that Abbott is undoubtedly still a boy. I guess its time to say good bye to Laurelei's little girl baby clothes and make room for all boy! In other news, we have somewhat nailed down an expected arrival for Abbott! Looks like the doctor will do an amnio at 37 weeks and deliver after if he's developed. Only 6.5 weeks or so till we are holding our little miracle baby!

Now back to the shoes. When the doctor told me I could go back to work I experience a lot of emotions. It is what I have been wanting to hear, but also scared me a little bit. Last week wore me completely out, and thinking about going back full time almost brought tears to my eyes. Can I handle it? Well that was my first thought! Somewhere down the list of thoughts I smiled a little thinking, "Looks like I need a comfortable pair of shoes!" I might have a few pairs, but lets just say I've never shopped for any with 'comfort' in mind necessarily. Maybe my new bed-rest free state of being will be awarded with a trip to Macy's?

Wish me luck! All joking aside, and I am pretty scared to go back to work full time fresh off 9 weeks of bedrest. What a transition! I'm hoping the contractions can stay under control for another week. We appreciate all the prayers, we are going to continue to need them for sure!

Feeling big...

While browsing through my cell phone pictures I gained a little perspective. I remember taking these pictures when I felt HUGE around 16 weeks. I couldn't believe how much bigger I was in this pregnancy than the last, it felt almost ridiculous!

After working for a few hours today I realized how wrong I as at 16 weeks. If I thought I was huge then, I was crazy! I felt all day like my belly might just literally pop. Not having been on my feet for very long in nearly 8 weeks, I really got a since for how big I was getting today! Can you see the difference 14 weeks makes, or is it just me? :)

I also found this cute picture and it made me smile. What a sweetie!

Anyone else feel like a house in their second pregnancy? I can only imagine what a difference the next 7 weeks or so is going to make! 

29 Weeks

29 weeks today! 

{God is good}

Checking up at 28 weeks...

Well, we went in for our 28 week, bi-weekly doctors visit and it was probably my least favorite visit since we got the bad news about mine and Abbott's condition at 22 weeks.

The fun started promptly with the yummy orange drink that goes along with the 28 week glucose test. I hate any kind of flavored pop besides Diet Coke, so I am less than over the moon about a flattened out orange-soda-esque beverage that I have to down in less than 10 minutes! Next, we had our ultrasound. We got a good look at Abbott's hands and feet, but unfortunately he wasn't playing along for much of a face shot. We did find out that the little guy is growing well, nice and big! Anyway, I about passed out from laying down flat on my back during the ultrasound for so long. That was the first time I've had that much trouble in the last 6 weeks. After waiting in the lobby again for a nice long while, I was called back to get my blood drawn. They ended up ordering 4 different tests which resulted in 4 different tubes of blood being drawn! Then, the nurse weighed me, and yikes! I think I discovered why I had such a hard time laying on my back during the ultrasound since I have gained 4 whole pounds since last time! The news just kept getting better and better.

We came in today hoping to hear that my abruption and blood clot had gotten smaller, which is thankfully what we have heard at every other appointment. In the back of my mind I thought the clot would get smaller and I would be able to get back to work. Unfortunately, it was the opposite this time, as the clot has gotten just a little bit bigger. It's definitely not devastating news as it's still much, much smaller than it was at 22 weeks, and Abbott and I are already at 28 1/2 weeks, but it wasn't what I wanted to hear. It leaves things up in the air for us yet again for the next two weeks, and me unsure what to do about work. School starts in 2 weeks and there is just so much to be done! And more than just that, if I don't get to go back to work it is going to eventually effect us financially, and that adds some worry to my plate for sure. 

 

{little foot}

 

{little profile}

 {little arm and little hand}

So, we are just once again praying for peace over this situation. We are very happy that Abbott is still growing right on track despite the stress he is under, and are so thankful for both of our continued safety. I guess its just more of this one day at a time stuff,  weeks 7 and 8 of bed rest, here we come!