Baby Abbott

We had another doctors appointment today as I am sure you know if you have been following along. It was a big one for us, as we were waiting to get blood results and specific information on what was going on with our baby boy. (You can catch up here.) A few of my closest friends know that I have been mentally preparing myself for weeks just in case the doctor told us there were any complications and we needed to deliver early. Despite all m best planning, nothing could have prepared me for the news I got at the doctor today.

My blood work has been glaring at us for a few weeks now, but today's ultrasound did most of the talking. I have suffered a partial placental aprubtion again with this pregnancy, as I did with Laurelei. I could see the stress in the doctor's eyes when she came in to talk to me. She quickly informed me of what she had found in the ultrasound, assured me that we would leave today with a plan, and left to make a phone call to another high risk specialist. Unfortunately for me, I could hear her conversation on the otherside of the door. The fears she was sharing with her collegue about not being able to be too aggressive because I was 'only 22 weeks.' Wondering what the best course of action was because the baby was not yet 'viable.' My heart was just melting as I sat there alone in the office. Thinking to myself, "Is this really happening?" "How am I going to tell Matt?" "What can we do?" "I am to far into this pregnancy to lose this baby."

When she came back in I was barely holding it together. She told me I needed to be on bedrest for the next two weeks. That they would be watching me and baby closely. I am to come back in 2 weeks for another ultrasound, at which time if my abruption as grown at all, they will put me in the hospital and deliver the baby as soon as they think they can. As she put it, "in 2 weeks the baby will be viable."

Every time I think about that phrase, "in 2 weeks, the baby will be viable..." my heart just breaks into one million pieces. I have seen baby Abbott on the ultrasound 8 times and each time he has looked like a precious baby to me. He has features, he kicks, he squirms, I saw him swallowing on the ultrasound today, I hear and see his heart beating. But he is not...'viable?' I have spent the better part of the past couple of months thinking about and shopping for cribs and clothing and room decor. Researching colors and design and new baby gadgets. Now all of the sudden instead of Google-ing 'baby boy nursery,' I find myself typing in, 'when can a fetus survive outside of the womb.'

This is getting long and I am quite certain has just turned into a lot of personal rambling, but its just the best way to vent right now, and to just get into words what we are going through. Sometimes its hard to hold it together as you tell the story over and over. I know God has answers for all of my questions. I know he will secure us financially if we struggle through extended maternity leave, hospital visits, NICU stays. I pray that he will allow my body to give our sweet baby protection at least through these next two critical weeks of development.  I trust that this is just the start of another 'miracle baby' for our little family.

Thanks in advance for all of your sweet thoughts and prayers. We appreciate the love and support more than you know.

Whew!

Laurelei is always growing and changing that is for sure, and of course that is no surprise to anyone out there. However, as she grows up little by little, she has been saying some surprising things!

Here is a recent list of interesting encounters with L:

• The other night while laying in bed Laurelei became very distressed. It seems as though one of her many babies was 'bullying' her. When I asked L what was wrong, she told me that her baby wasn't being nice to her. The baby was 'refusing' to speak to L and had also stollen a bottle from another baby. While I was concerned with Laurelei's problem, it was also fun to see how playful and vast her imagination was. I love that she is always using that sweet imagination.  

• Last week Matt and I realized that Laurelei is developing a little bit of an accent. I can't say a lot, because my childhood videos reak of 'southern charm,' but neither Matt or I carry much of an accent ourselves these days. We are starting to wonder where Laurelei is getting it? I have to get a video of this soon! Some recent L-isms:  myself= "ma-i say-elf," mommy= "ma-may," down= "da-own," ouch= "ay-ow"

• We have perhaps entered the stage of our lives known as the 'terrible twos." We have been in tantrum city this week and no one is enjoying the vacation! A perfect example of the new 'tude' occured this morning in the car. The conversation went something like this, Mommy: "Laurelei, you need to be nice to mommy. You can't hit or call mommy names." Laurelei: "Mommy, I don't like you, I like daddy. You put me in time-out. And my mouth is too small to be nice to people." Really? That was a proud moment as a mommy. My child has excuses for everything! Sometimes it's not fun to be the "heavy" around here!

• Speaking of excuses. Laurelei is full of them. Her favorite excuse for everything is, "my hands are too full." She says this regularly, especially when she has nothing in her hands and cannot possible be bothered to help pick something up or carry something to or from the car. Now we are just trying to figure out who says this around our house? It MUST be Matt...:)

Just waiting to see what new things will come out of her mouth this week! What a little spitfire our L is!

4 years with the love of my life...

That's right, it's been 4 years since I married the man of my dreams!

 

Sharing my life with him has been the best decision I ever made. Matt is thoughtful, loving, selfless, a wonderful father, a strong leader. He is the perfect best friend! We have had so much over the past 4 years, moving out of the country, traveling the world, having a baby and another one on the way! We've had some bumpy roads, but we know we are so incredibly blessed. 

Matt made the day so perfect. In the mist of a stressful few weeks, it was such a fun day. He hid cards all over the house and told me where to find them throughout the day. They were full of little encouragements that I have really been needing! At noon he had the most ridiculously big bouquet of flowers delivered to the house too! (Matt always sticks with the 'traditional' anniversary gifts, so I got lots of flowers and linen this year :))

 

Last night we went out to celebrate. We started with dessert and followed it with dinner at Portofino. Every year we are in town we try to eat at Portofino, since that is where we had our wedding reception. We have a lot of memories there, and its fun to reminisce over some of the best food in town. The cognac tenderloin medallions NEVER disappoint! We sat and talked and relaxed and had the perfect night together. I love spending time with Matt.

I can't wait to see where the next year takes us. The birth of our second child, and who knows what else is instore! I love you Matty. Happy Anniversary!!

Stress...

My husband knows I am prone to stress, and I am sure my friends have a pretty good idea too. So, if you know me well, you know that the last two weeks have been a whirlwind of STRESS. You can read back at the 20 week highlights for when everything really begin to fall apart. So, the long and short of it is that I have more on my plate emotionally these days than sometimes I think I can handle. There are so many happy things I want to update on, but I have to get this feeling off my chest first!

The physical pain over the past couple of weeks has been exhausting. Pregnancy can be hard at times anyway, and I totally believe that the second one is just a little bit harder than the first. Compound injury, minor surgery, and recovery, pressure, a bad chest cold, etc on top of that, and it makes for one cranky pregnant girl.

The worry has been overwhelming. Very much unfair to myself, I have been replaying the events of Laurelei's birth over and over again in my head, thinking about how hard its going to be if its even worse the second time around. I am not talking about the labor and delivery, that part was euphoric, really! It was the seconds that followed after she was born that snowballed into hours, days, weeks and months of a fear for her health. Knowing that Abbott is already struggling from blood problems causes concern over is strength, how much can his little body handle? I ultimately know that God is in control and is holding my little baby's health in his hands already, but its SO hard to grasp and rest in on a daily basis. I feel so blessed to have Laurelei, Matt, a full life and all the happiness we share, and now Abbott on the way. Sometimes though, its easy to think, "why is this happening to me again?" We haven't gone one visit at the doctors office without some sort of concern. I just keep waiting until Tuesday, praying that everything will be ok, hoping that I get some guidance on Abbott's future, wanting to map out a timeline. I want to carry this baby until the end, I want to know my body is enough to keep Abbott safe and growing. It's hard to give up all of the wants and hopes I have, and trust that everything will be A ok.

I have got to find a balance between anxiety and faith. Or maybe, I just need to give up the anxiety all together. Ha, if only it was that easy!

21 Weeks!

Baby Highlights:
How Far Along: 21 weeks

Gender: Baby boy Abbott Matthew.
Movement: All the time! The baby especially likes to rest RIGHT on my bladder, and I am fairly certain he is using it as a punching bag.

What's Abbott Up too? The baby's eyelids are fully developed, and he weighs as much as 12 ounces and is about 8 1/2 inches long!
Baby Planning: The room is coming along quickly! We found a dresser (or at least Matt 'rescued' one from somewhere for me! :) I painted it, and have found about half the knobs we need for it. Thanks to Restoration Hardware I have gotten A TON of inspiration of the baby's room. I'm in the middle of several projects and am really excited about how its all coming together! We have our bedding and our crib should arrive any day. Now lets just hope I like the crib we ordered!  On another fun note, I am stopping by Carter's today with my mom, and I can't wait to look at sweet baby boy clothes with her for the first time!
Prayer:  I am a nervous wreck, leading up to my appointment on Tuesday. I just want to be reassured that Abbott is going to be in my belly for awhile longer, GROWING healthy and getting everything he needs. I am not looking forward to any more 'surprises' next week. 

 {Let's just pretend its the volume of the dress that is making me look HUGE, ok?}

What I'm Loving Wednesday...

So this will be the first time I have linked up to WILW, but I have been reading for awhile and finally felt inspired to join in! So here goes...

I am loving the fact that school is out in 2 more short days, Yay!

And, I am loving that we only have a little over 3 weeks until we leave for our family beach vacation!

 

I am loving that we finished the baby's board and batten, got our crib bedding and ordered a new crib! Progress is being made!! Pictures to come soon. 

Someone at work gave me a summer read...The Glass Castle. I can't wait to read it!

I am loving that I stumbled across E Tells Tales for the first time this week. This gal is so talented and an amazing writer. Have you checked her out?

Also loving Etsy for little boys. It's a lot of fun to shop for one of each now!

I am loving how well my husband takes care of me when I'm under the weather. He's just the best!

 

And lastly, I am always loving this one, and the little one on the way!

Happy Wednesday!

20 Weeks, and a little behind!

Whew, this has been a long, crazy week or so. I feel like I have just been playing catch up with so many different things! I am very happy to report though that there are only 3 days left of school, and for this I am tremendously grateful. I will not be working this summer at all, and it feels so good.

Poor little Abbott has had a hard week too. At school on Friday I was accidently hit in the stomach with a ball at recess. I guess it's just one of the hazards of the job, as we tend to get hit occasionally. This time I guess was just unfortunate placement.

Anyway, that little accident has set about a spiral of events. I went into the doctor Friday afternoon with cramping that just wouldn't go away. They decided it was worth it to do an ultrasound and blood test, because of some other complications Abbott and I have with our blood types. After 24 hours of bed rest, all seemed to be going just fine and we were pleased. Yesterday morning, however, I got a call from my favorite nurse practioner telling me that my lab results weren't great and I needed to come in right away. As in, I had to leave school at 9:00 am and it couldn't wait! So, stress level high I ran to the doctor, got another Rhogam shot that helps protect the baby, waited patiently as they checked everything out, scheduled a specialist appt. and RAN back to school. Whew. Unfortunately, there was another little complication that we had to take care of immediately, and now I am home recovering for the day. 

I guess all that is to say baby Burlew and I are back to square one with the waiting game. We'll go back in two weeks to check in again and see how he's handeling things, so I am just saying a little prayer and trusting God will protect us both!

Baby Highlights:
How Far Along: 20 weeks

Gender: Baby boy Abbott Matthew.
Movement: More and more, lots of rolling around. Matt has yet to feel it, so I am still getting anxious for that!

What's Abbott Up too? His 5 senses are developing this week. He should weigh around 11 ounces and and is 7 inches long. He's like a little banana in there! Taste buds are developed and now that baby can swallow, he can actually taste what I am eating. Guess he is going to like Indian food too!

Cravings: It's snow cone season people! The little stand across from our grocery store better keep grape on hand this season.
Baby Planning: You will not believe me when I say we used this weekend to finish ALL of the board and batten in Abbott's room. We worked like dogs for 2 and 1/2 days and its done. I am in love! I cannot wait to get in there and decorate it all up! Now, I need to locate some globes, a crib, dresser...
Prayer:  I am sure you get the drift from my overly long and detailed post above, but we are just hoping to keep baby Abbott's blood protected as long as we can!