Stress...

My husband knows I am prone to stress, and I am sure my friends have a pretty good idea too. So, if you know me well, you know that the last two weeks have been a whirlwind of STRESS. You can read back at the 20 week highlights for when everything really begin to fall apart. So, the long and short of it is that I have more on my plate emotionally these days than sometimes I think I can handle. There are so many happy things I want to update on, but I have to get this feeling off my chest first!

The physical pain over the past couple of weeks has been exhausting. Pregnancy can be hard at times anyway, and I totally believe that the second one is just a little bit harder than the first. Compound injury, minor surgery, and recovery, pressure, a bad chest cold, etc on top of that, and it makes for one cranky pregnant girl.

The worry has been overwhelming. Very much unfair to myself, I have been replaying the events of Laurelei's birth over and over again in my head, thinking about how hard its going to be if its even worse the second time around. I am not talking about the labor and delivery, that part was euphoric, really! It was the seconds that followed after she was born that snowballed into hours, days, weeks and months of a fear for her health. Knowing that Abbott is already struggling from blood problems causes concern over is strength, how much can his little body handle? I ultimately know that God is in control and is holding my little baby's health in his hands already, but its SO hard to grasp and rest in on a daily basis. I feel so blessed to have Laurelei, Matt, a full life and all the happiness we share, and now Abbott on the way. Sometimes though, its easy to think, "why is this happening to me again?" We haven't gone one visit at the doctors office without some sort of concern. I just keep waiting until Tuesday, praying that everything will be ok, hoping that I get some guidance on Abbott's future, wanting to map out a timeline. I want to carry this baby until the end, I want to know my body is enough to keep Abbott safe and growing. It's hard to give up all of the wants and hopes I have, and trust that everything will be A ok.

I have got to find a balance between anxiety and faith. Or maybe, I just need to give up the anxiety all together. Ha, if only it was that easy!