Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Those days
It's been one of, you know, those days. I can't quite put my finger on why, as nothing truly bad or outrageous has happened. And yet here we are at the end of the evening, and I am feeling more tired and overwhelmed than I have in a long time. Maybe it's the fact that the baby has been through three outfits and all the clean burp rags in the house, causing me to resort to paper towels? Or, maybe it's the 15 times I went in to appease Laurelei with some-version of some-thing before she would fall asleep? Still, it could be that it took a solid hour to find the living room floor? Whatever it is...whew! (And I'm not even back to work yet. Trust me, it's going to get interesting in a few weeks.)
I think part of the problem is my stress level about what to do with the babes when I go back to work. Yes, we do have a place to go, but for some reason something just doesn't feel right. L is at a great school that she loves, but sending Abbott there just isn't feeling right to me. And yes, we do have a back up plan for him, but sending them to two separate places just doesn't feel right either. I was trying to explain to Matt how I felt about the situation today. I want Abbott to be somewhere where they do more than just meet his needs. L can tell us that she is happy, we can see it on her face, she can advocate for herself. Abbott just can't do that yet. And while he might be perfectly happy just having his needs met, I'm not. Here in these precious days I want him to be loved and really cared for.
Laurelei was lucky. She got to spend her first year of life pretty much solely with me, then her sweet aunt Dana, then Matt. She was practically a whole year old when she went to a sitters. It was so worry free. I wish Abbott had those same chances. Today I stopped by the room he is going to attend in a few weeks and the lady working at the time had a look on her face of just pure apathy. I guess apathy can change a diaper and feed a baby, but I'm not sure that is enough.
I've been praying about it but I just can't figure out what to do. Keep them together, split them up, or just keep looking for something better? These are my precious babies. They only get one childhood. What would you do?
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:( i'm sorry you can't stay home with him. Wish I had some great advice or a solution for you. Maybe it might help to remember that the anticipation of something undesirable happening (in this case, you going back to work and Abbott going to a sitter) is almost always worse than when it actually happens--once you take the leap and get back into the swing of things you might find yourself feeling less anxious and more comfortable about the whole thing.
ReplyDeleteCant wait to see this weekend and hold that little baby!
I'm so sorry to hear this Patrice. What a hard thing, I can't imagine.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure Abbott will easily charm whomever ends up keeping him and they will end up loving him too! Obviously not the way that you do, but it's hard to not love a sweet little baby, even in the mundane things like diaper changes. In a few months when you come to collect him at the end of the day, you will have a happy baby and know that he has been loved and cared for during the day. Then you get to go home and spoil him with even more love and affection!
Praying for you about this. I wish there was an easy solution!
We all have those days! Here is my 2 cents on childcare- I kept ivy at the sitter's for a year w Tula. I had peace knowing that she was tula's voice during the day. Ivy was so proud to be the big sister. Then ivy turned 4 this past summer so this year she is at preschool and Tula is still w the sitter. Adjusting to working life w 2 kids- it was nice to have only one pick up stop. Good luck w finding something!!! It is super important for you to be at peace (the best you can) when going back to work.
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