Can't quite put my finger on it, but...

I am feeling a little overwhelmed.

It could be that school starts in 3 weeks and I still have no clue where to start. Do I plan for maternity leave starting day 1, day 2, day 12? Will the doctor clear me to go back to work for awhile on Monday? Am I really looking at 12+ weeks out of the classroom? I have a ton of people and awesome co-workers offering to help with everything, and everyone reassures me that there is no need to worry about anything. That's easier said than done though, right? It's hard not to think about your full time job, especially when it all consuming sometimes the way teaching is! I'm having trouble accepting the fact that I might not get the opportunity to bond with my sweet students until November! And I am sure you all know that I am 100% type-a, so it's nearly impossible not to stress about all the details and unknown. I LOVE to be in control. :)

It could also be that I feel like I am not doing nearly enough on the home front. Granted, I know that is exactly what I am supposed to be doing, but it doesn't make it any easier. This summer was supposed to be my progress and bonding time with Laurelei. We were going to play together everyday, go on outings, prepare for baby. Now, I kept her alone one day this week and am still paying for it in exhaustion. I had a friend on bedrest recently who talked about how hard it was to watch her husband do everything and not be able to help, and now I really understand what she meant. I know Matt has so much on his plate and it's hard to watch him get a little run down and not be able to jump in. You forget how much of a team effort things are until you're taken out of the game.

 

Or still, I guess it could be that we hit 28 weeks tomorrow (yay!) and have yet another doctor's appointment on Monday. We've been getting great reports each time and I am definitely hopeful for more of the same. I think it's still human nature though that I get a little uptight around appt. time. I would say that I generally feel in my heart that things are going to be great, but we have a lot of new tests coming on Monday that make me a little apprehensive. My doctor is awesome, but occasionally has the tendency to look at me like the other shoe is about to drop, and that gets my mind going just a little. It definitely gives me something to think about on late nights like this when I can't sleep. I think I am getting to a stage in pregnancy when the size of my belly is literally making it hard to breath. When I go to sleep at night I feel like I have so much on my chest, physically and metaphorically, that I think I could just suffocate!

I guess whatever it is, I just need to keep perspective. In the end, there will be a sweet little baby, a happy big sister, and I think one relieved husband who will be happy to have his wife back off the couch. At least I have this gorgeous little smile to keep me going!